CiCi Zhang believes the best gift money can buy is, well, money itself. As a kid, her father attempted to buy her presents, but he so often missed the mark that he transitioned to giving her money by the time she was a teen, Zhang, 30, says.
At the start of their relationship, her husband wasn’t much better. A few of his greatest gift misses included a massage gun and a food scale. They couldn’t return the massage gun, Zhang says, so she kept it. As for the scale, the couple took it back and shopped for a replacement together.
Despite his gifting shortcomings, Zhang’s husband refuses to give money as a gift, she says. As a compromise, she maintains a comprehensive wish list from which he can select items that are sure to please.
Zhang grew up in China, where giving monetary gifts during holidays and special events is customary. “During Father’s Day, I probably will give my dad money,” says Zhang, who is now based outside of Seattle. “With money, it’s guaranteed that you can use it. Probably you want it, you can spend it, or you can save it.”
Who wants to put a dollar amount on a priceless relationship?
Despite the fact that giving cash as a present is not only normative but preferred in other countries like Korea and Japan, in the US and other Western cultures, the exchange is sometimes seen as gauche. Cash is easy, quick, and, most of all, practical since almost everyone could use a little more of it. But for those same reasons, money can be seen as thoughtless, or worse, an implication the gift recipient really, really needs it — more than the candle warmer or the novelty socks you picked out in a panic on Christmas Eve. After all, who wants to put a dollar amount on a priceless relationship?
But if you were to ask recipients what they actually want for the holidays, the answer is clear: Cash is king. A December 2023 YouGov survey found 38 percent of global respondents said they’d prefer to get cash for the holidays — the largest share of potential presents. Another 10 percent said they wanted gift cards. The MassMutual Consumer Spending & Saving Index from 2022 found similar results: 31 percent of Americans said their ideal gift was cash; 16 percent said their dream present was a gift card.
The chasm between what people really want — money — and what givers feel comfortable gifting — pretty much anything else — has led gift-givers to waste millions of dollars on unwanted or lackluster presents. But you shouldn’t feel weird bestowing cash to your nearest and dearest, experts say. There are tactful ways to do it.
Americans have never liked giving cash giftsAmericans have long been leery of giving money to their loved ones for the holidays. In the 1993 book The Modern Christmas in America: A Cultural History of Gift Giving, William Waits writes that even though some magazines offered advice on how to thoughtfully give money in the early 20th century, the public found the practice “impersonal” and cold. “As a gift item,” Waits wrote, “[money] ascribed a certain numerical value to relationships but did not define the quality of the relationships.” Gift certificates posed the same problem.
During that time, rural Americans gifted their friends and family food and small handmade wooden or sewn presents. Those in cities swapped figurines, wall hangings, and other crafts.
Throughout the 20th century, however, consumption and consumerism took root in the American psyche. Businesses and department stores began to heavily advertise their products during the holiday season, encouraging shoppers to find the perfect present behind their doors.
These days, the holiday shopping season seems to creep earlier and earlier with the goal of getting consumers to spend more and more, often on tangible, unwanted items — a good portion of which end up in the trash. Nearly half of holiday shoppers begin their purchasing as early as August, per a Bankrate survey. This year, Americans each plan to spend over $900 on holiday gifts, up from about $800 last year, according to NerdWallet’s annual holiday spending report.
Why giving cash is so uncomfortableWhile Americans might be spending more on holiday gifts, or at least urged to, they aren’t necessarily choosing presents that are sure to delight the recipient.
When shopping, givers often choose an item that says more about themselves than it does the recipient, says Ernest Baskin, an associate professor of food, pharma, and health care at Saint Joseph’s University. Givers are preoccupied with the “wow” factor, research shows, a present that says, “Look how well I know you to have selected this thoughtful, meaningful item.”
“Most of the time, we’re not right about this, to be honest,” Baskin says. “Most of the time, [recipients] can tell you very well what their desire is, or they’d rather you just give them money so they can pick what their desire is.”
Cash is practical — almost too practical — and givers tend to underestimate how much recipients appreciate useful, ordinary presents, research suggests. Indeed, handing someone a card with a check inside is less exciting than watching their face light up at the sight of a puppy in a box. However, after the initial excitement fades, the pragmatic, boring gift gets the most use.
Cash is also seen as thoughtless and low-effort, says Julian Givi, associate professor of marketing at West Virginia University. Writing a check or hitting the ATM requires very little creative energy. “It’s really in no way personalized to you,” Givi says. “[Giving] 100 bucks to someone shows nothing about your knowledge of their hobbies, their interests, their passions, and so on.”
Handing someone a card with a check inside is less exciting than watching their face light up at the sight of a puppy in a box.
The relationship between the giver and the receiver is also paramount in cash-giving scenarios. A grandparent tucking a $5 bill into a card for a kid is kosher, “but going up the age ladder is a little awkward,” Givi says. Think about it: How would grandma feel if you gave her $25 in cash?
Cash gifts between friends is also tricky, says Lizzie Post, etiquette expert and co-president at the Emily Post Institute. That same $5 your aunt gives you every year is odd coming from a friend. There’s the implication that the receiver is in dire straits and perhaps needs the cash more than, say, a cashmere sweater. “We don’t often just hand our friends money,” Post says. “Instead, we go do something enriching with them.”
Even if the recipient explicitly requests cash, Americans still find it taboo to comply. Instead, givers have found ways to creatively disguise the act of bestowing money, especially through registries. To make the exchange more thoughtful, wedding or baby shower guests will often contribute to a honeymoon or diaper fund. Platforms like Honeyfund and Babylist have facilitated these touchless cash gifts, eliminating the potential awkwardness of handing over a supposedly inconsiderate present.
“At the end of the day, that’s still just cash that you’re giving,” Baskin says, “but now you can say that I’m actually giving something that the couple needs.” Gift cards, too, are simply cash by another name, only restricted to specific stores.
Giving cash doesn’t have to be awkwardDespite popular convention that cash presents are gauche, tacky, or uninspired, Post says the annals of etiquette wisdom permit monetary gifts. (Though she does find the practice of Venmoing money as a wedding gift a little crass.) The key is to make it thoughtful. Definitely include a card, Post says, and write a short note about how you hope they spend the dough: “Use this to buy those Taylor Swift concert tickets” or “Treat yourself to a massage.” As for the amount, consider your relationship with the recipient, but only give what is within your budget, Post says.
Remember how awkward it would be to give grandma $25? Giving her a gift card to a grocery store is likely to go over better, Givi says, even if the dollar amount is the same. “You’re putting in some thoughtfulness to select something related to her and who she is,” Givi says. “Then also, you had to go out and buy this thing.”
Definitely include a card, Post says, and write a short note about how you hope they spend the dough.
If you feel so inclined as to ask for cash, offer the givers a few other options, Post says: “Someone asks you, ‘What do you want for Hanukkah?’ You could absolutely say to them, ‘I’m into these books. I’m into this sport. Anything to do with them is great. And of course, I’m always a fan of cash. Whatever is easiest for you to do.’”
Should you still lack gifting inspiration, ask yourself what gift you’d like to receive, Baskin, the Saint Joseph’s researcher, says. Is it embroidered socks or is it cold hard cash?
When Baskin poses that same question to study participants, “the answer [that] often comes up,” he says, is “money.”
vox.com